Dance: Dancer not teacher (Unless requested)

Cause:  Incident turned teachable moment

Impetus to share:  Hopefully prevent boorishness in the future

Seeking:  Empathy from aware, considerate dancers and knowledge gained/prevention from unwitting dancers, beginner and experienced

Expressive style: Sheldon a la Big Bang Theory


Dear Person B,

                Do you remember that time you told your follow, A, how you have trouble making friends and getting along with people?  Help us to understand.  In what universe is it considered appropriate to say to someone “oh, I am soooo tired, I’ve been dancing all night and you just started, that must be why you can’t find the beat, you need to warm up.”  

1)       With your follower, A, having a degree in music, and a dance background along with music most  all their life, don’t you think if they were off beat, they would know it?  Barring any recent concussion or musical aphasia?  (Observer confirms, follower A was on the beat as much as anyone could be.)

2)      Have you ever heard them tell you that every time they dance with you, your breath makes you hold theirs?

3)      Do you think that switching through three types of dance multiple times within one song did anything to help your follow “find the beat?”

So, if you might still be curious as to why you have trouble connecting with people, here is your sign.


So unaware dancers, if you were not clear on this already, on the social dance floor, and I believe even in a lesson.  The teacher is there to teach, you are there to dance.  Unless your follower has expressly asked for it, it is not appropriate to criticize or correct their dancing. 

Describing a how-to is a bit different.  “Ok now put your hand over your head and slide down my arm.”  At least I consider that ok.  But not “no, no you did that wrong, forget it, you can’t do that move, we just won’t do it.”   That is tremendously maladroit. 

Furthermore, as evidenced, even the best dancers may still have a flaw they are unaware of.  More likely though, the critical dancers are most likely not as proficient as they seem to perceive themselves.  There is always more to be learned.  The best dancers know that and are always trying to improve themselves, as opposed to pointing out where others should improve.    

If your partner just can’t get the move, thankfully you likely only have 3 minutes left to dance with them.  Just smile and make the best of it.  :)